Falling Petals
by Lady Tigeress
Summary: One of the boys is thinking about his life.


*Authoress shuffles in* "Ooooh, look. A piece of paper. *picks it up* What's this? "Lady Tigeress owns Gundam Wing? BWHWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *Random person walk in* LT: Who are you? RP: Just some random person in your dream. LT: I'm dreaming? ;_; Tragic.... *The piece of paper combusts....and Lady Tigeress is left with the sad knowledge that she does not in fact, own Gundam Wing. * .....Oh, and my friend came up with the title.  
  
Heh. ^^; This is my first Gundam Wing fic. I know that Heero is a bit OOC, but *shrugs* C&C are appreciated. Flames are okay too. Just be forewarned that I will post them, my own comments added in. *bows* So go forth!! Read. Review!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Falling Petals  
  
The wind gently ruffled his already unkempt hair. He'd been coming here a lot lately. It helped him to think, to clear his thoughts. He had a lot to think about it.  
Life sometimes seemed to be one big joke. Why else would everything be so fucked up?  
He smirked slightly and shook his head. His thoughts often wandered like that. Too often now it seemed. So many things had happened lately. After each one, it got a little bit harder to feel. He hated it.  
Everyone thought he hated the world. But he loved the world. Too often they got in the way of his responsibilities, too often he had to kill anyone who got in his way. But he had his commitments. Just like everyone else. You couldn't stop doing your job just because someone else's goals conflicted with yours. When that happened, you just eliminated the problem and moved on. Funny. He thought he was working for peace. But what kind of peace is brought through the cold-blooded murders of others.  
So that's what he was. A murderer. But that was okay. He'd kill a thousand more so others wouldn't have to. So cliché. He laughed softly at himself. More and more often he began to wonder what the point was. At the same time there was nothing else. What would he do? Slip into nothingness? Stupid thought. There was no such thing as nothingness. Nothingness in itself is a thing. Simply because it is. He would simply be changing his awareness.  
He remembered one time, not too long ago, he went to church. To find out what Duo's God was all about. That's not right. Duo had no God. He was a God. Or so he claimed. So he went because he was curious. What was all the damned fuss about? He walked in looking for answers. And he left with answers. Just not the ones he was looking for. He wasn't some Jesus freak. No, they needed to be rounded up and shot. But he knew that God was there now. What a laugh. Perhaps one day he'd be insane enough to actually come to terms with this God. To pray. He made a mental note to shoot himself when that day came.  
Sighing, he looked at his watch. He'd been there for too long already. A few more minutes would hurt nothing. He watched lazily as a soft white petal floated down off of the tree and onto his nose. White, purity. White, nothingness. Absence of existence. How is it that two descriptions are used for one thing? He himself thought the latter version was more accurate. What as so pure about the lack of anything? A wedding dress flashed through his mind. For the second time, he laughed quietly to himself.  
He remembered when Duo and Hilde had tied the knot. Somehow, they'd found time amongst all the craziness. At first he felt sorry for the woman. Duo never shut up, and if you locked him in a grocery store it would be gone after two hours. But at the same time, they suited one another. Perhaps they could find some sort of happiness after the war was over. He'd thought that after Mariemaia, it would be over. He'd hoped. Apparently he didn't hope hard enough.  
Sometimes he forgot just what exactly it was he was fighting for. Another cliché. Everyone forgot at least once. It was they way things were. There was no mystery involved. Doubt is ingrained into the human psyche. Perhaps that is why so many people failed. Only those who could come out of it, not unscathed, but changed, would make it. He was starting to sound stupid again. Definitely would have to work on that.  
He wondered how you could sound stupid if you were merely thinking. Blowing the petal off his nose, he stood up. As he did he noticed the pale white scars that laced his arms. Some had been gotten from missions and training. The others...he remembered those days clearly. Blood helped. His blood. He was giving his blood to make up for the blood he had spilled. Looking back he thought about how stupid it was. No one ever noticed. What was another scratch here and there? Now he found he no longer needed his blood. He had other things to work on. Other things that needed his attention. There was no need for it anymore. Merely another chapter of his life now finished. He hoped he'd learned what he needed to learn from that.  
  
Smiling, he looked fondly at the tree he had been resting under. It was alive with white blossoms. Its scent delicately permeated the air. That's where they had buried them, a little less than 20 years ago. And they had planted the seed directly above them. It seemed appropriate somehow. They were helping this tree grow, mother and daughter, adding to its beauty. Sometimes he wished he'd actually killed her. But he didn't. They'd had a child together. The daughter of peace. What childish dreams. There was no peace now. There hadn't been since they'd died.  
"Relena." The word ghosted from his lips.  
He turned and slowly walked away. They were waiting for him. 


End file.
